Sleepy Vibes

It has just been ONE week of school and I am already returning home each day completely exhausted and ready to roll into bed. The words that come most easily to me are I’m tired, and I say them almost robotically whenever I have nothing else to say. I think it’s insane how draining social interaction has become for me, considering how this time last year I would have had to lead cheers and be enthusiastically engaging lil year 1s in conversations. It’s not always bad though – when I’m talking to a friend one-on-one, or when I’m with a group of familiar people who I am (truly) comfortable with, I really savour the time we have together. Like my MRT rides with my primary school friends, the talk with my dance batch mates during auditions, and all the Whatsapp conversations with friends I see everyday and those I haven’t seen in a while. I love friends who I can have conversations with without having to worry about anything, without having to hide anything and without having to fear that they’ll judge me. I love just being able to tell them about the significant and insignificant, knowing they will actually care about my life and be interested in the conversation regardless of the content.These conversations rejuvenate me rather than add to my stress, and make me feel like a friend rather than just-another-person-I-can-use (lol I’m so angsty). When lessons start proper, I’m going to have to make new friends and hopefully they will be the dependable sort who won’t be part of my worries! screams a little

I’ve tried to be more mindful about what I’m doing and I think it has helped in some ways. The Miracle Morning routine has been an amazing way to start the day thus far. I have to get up at least 30 minutes earlier, but once I brush my teeth and wash my face, I’m wide awake to focus on TMM. I play my instrumental ambient music and do this:

  • Silent time (pray)
  • Affirmations (read a list of affirmations about myself – sounds highly egoistic but it reminds me of the positive when I am often dragged down by the negative)
  • Visualisation (play out the rest of the day in your head, helps me to prep myself mentally and think about how everything will turn out fine)
  • Exercise (do a few leg lifts and stretches just to complete the acronym)
  • Read (read my Bible + devotions book)
  • Scribe (write the daily verse + my thoughts on it – I hope to end up with 365 pages of beautiful scripture when I am done)

It’s honestly so easy to start the day frazzled and anxious, but when I listen to the calming music and pray and read the Word, I allow my heart to settle down and block out the noise of the world. It gives me time to reflect on what I’ve been doing right and wrong and most importantly gives me the opportunity to correct my wrongs. In this week alone, TMM has made me realise how 1. my response to A Certain Situation was highly un-Christlike and 2. how worrying about my future CCA was really a waste of time because *surprise* God has a plan for me and it will work out no matter what CCA I join. God’s perception of time is so different from ours, it’s like us being burdened by a tiny speck in a magnificent masterpiece. I won’t deny that I still worry a lot, but I would say TMM still makes me a little more trusting and a little less worried, so it’s still a worthy habit!

On the other hand, being mindful means I am Acutely Aware of my life goals + my action plan, which is entirely contradictory to what I know I am supposed to live out, i.e. trusting in God’s plan for my life. Seriously I struggle with this everyday, not knowing which line is the point at which I need to let go and let God. Some days I wish our world weren’t so competitive and education could be innocent and fun and purely educational. I tell myself JC is probably the last time I can have fun and do things as a student that I won’t be able to do in the future, but on the flip side if I just have fun then what about my bigger goal? Y I K E S . I want to do so many things but there is never enough time for everything and not knowing how to find the perfect balance really tortures me. For this reason I over-plan and overthink and this is so lethal and school hasn’t even really started yet! (If I could make the letters in this sentence grow progressively bigger to emphasise the increasing anxiousness I feel, I would.) BIG SIGH.

I love spending time with children and elderly because they teach me how happiness doesn’t have to be complicated. Watching the little boy get up to dance along to the worship song (alone, mind you, all the other children just sat and played with the toys), and seeing the elderly’s faces light up as they sang and clapped along, are such precious reminders of how simple our emotions of joy were meant to be. I wonder how long it will be till the time when I don’t have a care in the world and a song could bring me complete bliss.

Because I have been so tired recently, I have just been reading ferociously to escape from reality (triggered: memories of Literature and the characters in The Glass Menagerie escaping from their tragic lives). But the books I have been reading are barely an escape because their plot developments and endings always leave me more confused about how to carry on with my life. (Am highly tempted to use the word sh00k HAH). I feel I haven’t made time to read a book properly in the last 4 years, so returning to fiction for fun is really refreshing and I hope I continue to read actively in the next 2 years!

Honestly, like all my other posts, I have no idea where this one is going… I guess I just felt like surviving the first week of JC was something to shout about and also felt like putting all my reflective/nonsense thoughts into proper sentences. I cannot believe it’s going to be Chinese New Year so soon but I’m So. Excited. at the prospect of not having to go to school for a week!!! Jiayouzzz to you and to me for the next week of life, try to make the most of it!

“If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.”

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Interspace

noun: a space between things

School is finally starting next week!! I feel nervous for JC but at the same time I’ve been extraordinarily sluggish at home so maybe school starting will motivate me to get back into work mode. Right now I’m just stuck between holidays and school, relaxing and work, and it’s quite frustrating to not be able to have more control over what I end up doing in the day. When school starts this will be better because I won’t have as much of a choice haha.

This past holiday passed insanely quickly, and to be fair to myself I wasn’t playing mindlessly for the most part! I guess I was learning a lot about Medicine and slotted in as many things as possible, such that I didn’t feel the buildup to Christmas and all of a sudden it’s almost Chinese New Year?(x100) I feel quite unprepared for JC because I’ve been off educating myself on Medicine rather than BCMH haha but I guess I’m working towards a greater goal! And now that JC is starting I don’t want to forget all that I have learnt, because I know it will be all to easy to shift my focus to the content I need for the grades. AHH.

I have been trying to make the most of this week by starting some mindful habits and reading and exercising, which will hopefully stick even when things get busier! Ultimately I don’t want to become a sad lethargic study machine (though it is quite possible knowing myself)!

I think this year’s church theme of the Year of Sabbath is a very timely reminder for me to always find rest. That no matter how much I strive to accomplish, God guides my path and He has the ultimate control. It’s always about finding the perfect spot between doing my best and letting God do the rest. The past week’s sermon was also exceptionally refreshing for me in my plan for this year! Our youth theme is #unshakable. We live in a very noisy world where the outside pressures influence us to think we need to achieve more, earn more, be accepted and that we will never be enough. Our pastor put this very cleverly: we think to ourselves “I am not perfect”, but the thing is, God never asked us to be perfect! God made us according to His plan for our life and whatever we need, He is sure to provide. Rather than looking to the world, or even within ourselves to find an identity and a purpose, we need to find our identity in Christ alone. “Don’t build your life on the external, so that regardless of the external, you will never be shaken.” How true is that!! With God as our cornerstone, I daresay we become invincible.

It definitely isn’t a conscious choice most times to tie our self worth to our achievements and social acceptance, and it is difficult to break away from it as well. For me, knowing that God is always there for me to seek shelter is all that I need. That no matter how unworthy I feel, my heavenly Father thinks 100% otherwise! Hopefully I will cling on to this truth through this year and make it out not just alive, but as more than a conqueror.

The Bible always puts it best:

14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship.f And by him we cry, “Abba,g Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

More Than Conquerors

31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34W ho then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”j

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,k neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

  1. I am NOT a slave to fear
  2. Whoever God calls, He will glorify
  3. Nothing can separate me from the love of God
  4. I am more than a conqueror 🙂

It is so tempting to compare myself to others, to want the opportunities they have, to do what they are doing, and this all stems from my intense Fear Of Missing Out … As I wrote in my Bible Journal this morning, I just need to remember that when I seek God first, I have all I ever need. He will open and close doors in accordance with His plan, and if I spend on day dwelling on what someone else has that I don’t, I’m going to miss out on my own grand opportunities!

This is all easy to think when times are still good, but at the end of the day, the ultimate test is whether I uphold this when I’m at the bottom of the pit. For this, I’ll just have to wait and see, but I trust 100% that God will constantly renew me and will draw ever closer to me if only I am willing to draw closer to Him.

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All our hopes for 2017! ❤

Baptism

Prepared a 3/4 minute testimony for my baptism ceremony, but everyone before me spoke for a grand total of 20 seconds so I felt obliged to cut mine… Here is the full thing though! (After much previous cutting too…)

//

I first came to know of Christ through my sisters. They both attended church as they had been invited by their friends. When I was younger, my sister invited me for an Easter service, and I accepted Christ then. But at that time, I didn’t fully understand the sinners’ prayer and also didn’t continue going for regular services.

When I entered secondary school, I joined dance as my CCA. But, in dance, I was constantly falling behind my batch mates. I always felt inadequate and dreaded CCA tremendously. I tended to overthink all the little things, which led to me having headaches. Julia was my senior in dance, and I noticed that although she had many things on her plate, she was always cheerful. I began talking to her more and opened up to her about my insecurities. She invited me to church and that was the start of my refreshed relationship with God. I felt that God spoke to me through the worship songs and sermons and that really helped me walk out of my self-pity.

Just last year, I had to campaign to become House Captain. My campaign was inspired by a bible verse, which encouraged me very much because I knew God was running the race with me. The journey from campaigning, to actually becoming house captain and having to manage my new responsibilities was definitely difficult. We faced many setbacks, but at the very end, we miraculously emerged as House Champions. That proved to me that whoever God calls, He will also glorify.

Next, I choose to put my trust in God because of the promises He has revealed to me. I’ve wanted to become a doctor for some time now and my motivation stems from my desire to help those in less privileged countries. During the Festival of Praise conference just a month ago, we were praying for God to show us His plans for our lives. At that moment, He showed me two faces I had never seen before – one of an African woman and one of a young Asian girl. I believe those were the faces of people I will reach out to in the future, and that was His promise that I will one day go out to the mission field, and not just cure illnesses, but also spread the joy of the Lord.

Also, I’ve always prayed for my parents to come to know Christ, and recently they’ve started attending our church services. This year has honestly been very challenging for me and my family. There are definitely still times when I slip back into overthinking my problems, but the difference is that with God, I can find comfort in the truth that He has a the perfect plan for me.

The following is an extract that I wrote a few months back:

When you fight the right battles, God fights for you. You can have confidence that you have already won the victory. When you suffer, God sees your tears and your hurt, but find comfort in the fact that you can run to your Father empty handed, and he will always cover you with His love, and nothing can harm you when you are in His embrace. Our Father’s love always protects, always hopes, always trusts, always perseveres. Ask and you shall receive, seek Him, and you will not fall.

God is too big for any human heart or mind to fully understand, but because He has carried me through everything so far, I commit to put my faith in what is unseen, and my trust in Him alone.

I’ll end off with a line from one of my favourite songs: Faith makes a fool of what makes sense, but grace found my heart where logic ends.

//

Honestly life is so much better and easier with God. Today while I was ushering, my fellow usher was talking to me and he said if you focus on your problems it’ll be very hard, so just focus on God. Which is 100% true! God already has a perfect plan for you, and you trust God, so you believe in His plan and therefore there is really no real need to worry. Our human hearts just cannot fathom what He has in store, so just believeeeeee ❤

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Rainy days and baby cries

Feeling extremely tired after just two weeks of my work attachment at the clinic! This is a very different kind of school holiday because for the first time in forever (frozen vibes after seeing so many little girls in Elsa dresses/with frozen water bottles…) I am not just rolling around at home watching YouTube, baking the life out of my kitchen, eating nonstop etc. etc. On the contrary, I have had to wake up at 6.30am every weekday and huddle with the rest of the working class on the train to work! It’s not even really work per se since all I do is observe the doctor, but nonetheless it’s been extremely insightful in every sense of the word! I’ve had the rare opportunity to see what it is actually like to diagnose cases, counsel parents, see newborn babies, visit restricted areas in the hospital and so many other things. On the shuttle bus to and from the hospital, all I feel is blessed.

Seeing newborns and babies also restored my sense of wonder: it is truly an inexplicable sense of joy to hold the hands of a little neonate; to see the pumping of a tiny heart; to smile at a child and have him/her beam back at you. It’s also lovely to see the children’s parents, grandparents and helpers bring them to the clinic and love the child no matter how sick he/she may be. I’ve seen so many caregivers with crazy eyebags (I feel like this mother I saw today had double eyebags? Didn’t know that was possible…), catching the illness from their child and just being exhausted overall but still put their child’s wellbeing first and care for them with an undying resolve.

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Besides staring at cute kids all day and attempting to stop them from crying by handing them stuffed toy bears, I’ve also had the most mentally-stimulating conversations with the doctor I’m attached to hahaha. It’s mind-blowing how much she knows about everything! She also hands me many readings from brochures to textbooks on medical conditions, which are all incredibly useful because I can’t find these medical texts in the library. There’s just so much to find out and an endless wealth of information on each condition. Whenever the clinic is slightly quieter with no patients waiting outside, or when we go on rounds, she takes the chance to ask me about what I’ve read up on and gives me new information to find out more about. In many ways this is much more challenging than school work because of how real it is: I see the child’s condition and I find out more about the causes, symptoms and treatment, and see first hand how the diagnosis is made and how it is communicated to the parent. While it is difficult to have to think fast when seeing the patients and talking to the doctor and to continue researching at home even when my eyelids are drooping, I really enjoy this type of mental stimulation. Being exposed to the field of medicine is incredibly humbling – each day brings new knowledge.

Of course there are times where I really feel like not doing anything HAHA. Sometimes I wish I could just wake up late and cook and eat breakfast leisurely and then watch YouTube to my heart’s content and roll around and bake and live life like it’s actually the holidays. I am also getting very envious of my friends who are overseas!!! BUT then I remind myself of how insanely blessed I am in a different way because this is SUCH a precious opportunity that rekindled my love for children and their innocence and made me appreciate medicine so much more (x1000!!!!)!!! Just one more week left and then a mini break before I fly away to yet another exciting experience! This has been such a meaningful and enriching holiday hehe I really don’t want to go back to school.

Also some less serious things I’ve noticed hahaha:

  1. the most common bag to hold baby things in is Anello HAHA luckily I didn’t buy the backpack on impulse man it’s for moms
  2. the most common phrase to say to a baby is “olalala olalala” – like wtpong does that even mean..??? parents and grandparents say that to the baby to stop them from crying but 9/10 of the time it doesn’t work HAHAHAHA
  3. the most popular sweet flavour is strawberry and the least popular sweet flavour is mango.

That is all. 🙂

Graduation

The fact that graduation is so near didn’t really sink in till I watched the video our juniors put together for us. Our mass dance song that played in the background also brought back many fond memories, where my journey in house first started! While reading a friend’s post and looking at all the photos online, I decided to look back on my four years in RG too, and found myself smiling at many things I did that I had already forgotten about. I extracted over a hundred photos – over a hundred things that made me glad I came to RG and didn’t run away when tough seasons rolled around. There’s no doubt that the school environment is stressful, but I also believe that this is what works best for me and makes me want to push myself further. Perhaps I have pushed myself too hard sometimes, but to be very honest the results never disappoint HAHaha and it’s all worth it in the end!! My friend was telling me how many people in our class push themselves too far, but that because we know God, we know when it’s time to stop and let God do the rest. I think that is very true! Especially for this year, I feel that while I have never stopped trying my best, I also find peace and assurance in the knowledge that God is always working behind the scenes and that I really have nothing to fear if what I’m doing is in God’s plan for me.

One very strong testimony I have of how God has worked in my life would be meeting Julia! (Hi Ju if you are reading this!) In Y1 I really really (X1ooo) hated CCA because it was an environment where I felt I was constantly being judged and deemed as inadequate due to my lack of experience in dance. I couldn’t wait to quit at the end of the year and definitely did NOT see myself staying in the CCA for all four years! But along the way, I met Julia and noticed how despite everything that was going on around her, she managed to stay positive and spread joy to all those around her. As I got closer to her, she also invited me to church. And that began a transformation in my life. She has always been a role model for me in her walk with God, like how she had a prayer group when she was Y4 and now I have one of my own! ❤ All the adversities I faced drew me closer to Jesus and throughout my four years, He has really blessed me with so so many sisters in Christ that I know I can always count on.

Being in RG also revealed to me that I am largely an introvert. I do enjoy the company of friends, but really only those that I am very close to and can have comfortable conversations with. I read somewhere that friends are people you can share comfortable silences with, and I think that is somewhat true. Given a choice, I would rather sit alone than be with a large crowd haha. Being seen alone used to be something I feared, but after a while I grew to appreciate these quiet times and not care so much about what other people think.

Can’t have a post about RG without HOUSE! Okay some confessions now: #1 never really thought much about house in y1 (/don’t really remember what I did in house pracs because unlike some batch mates I wasn’t the type to fangirl seniors) and #2 as a student leader trainee, I wanted to join psb. HAHA but even so when I was allocated house, I still tried my best of course! Dramafest was a turning point because the dedication of the seniors rubbed off on me, and I guess I was just very focused on doing my job well, but the kind seniors really took the effort to affirm my efforts and made me feel like perhaps this is where I belong! I also never imagined I would ever become house capt because my fellow house commers were so much more suited for the role and outspoken and passionate and enthusiastic and basically all the things I thought a house capt needed to be. But the seniors really took the time to make sure I knew that I was equally capable, and encouraged me to give it a shot, and for that I will be eternally grateful! Their actions and words showed me the importance of investing your time in growing others as leaders in their own ways, and how words of encouragement and affirmation can do so much in giving someone a boost of confidence! As house capt I was also one of the less outspoken ones, but that didn’t hinder my learning experience in any way, because I still gave every single house event my best shot and truly cared (and still care!) for my house!

Campaigning for house capt is arguably one of the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life, but that was just the beginning of the hard work in house. I am super thankful for an extremely capable EXCO and house comm that helped me in planning and executing all the events and initiatives. I always had ideas that I didn’t know if others thought were dumb, but ah well we went ahead anyway and I just hope they made some Richardsonian out there love house a bit more!! Like our encouragement board during the exam season ❤ In a way, that’s how I paired my desire to care for the student body (why I wanted to join PSB) with my work in house. I told myself that any student leader’s role is to serve and care for her peers, and being in house simply gave me a fifth of the school to care deeply for! One of my favourite memories will be Sportfest this year. We tried SO hard for it – we filmed a video to talk to our house about how much it would mean to us if they played the games, we painted a brand new banner, we held a cheer refresher with tons of food etc etc and just were all very emotionally invested in it. Losing sportsfest really really shattered my heart, but all the Richardsonians that came up to me to hug and comfort me after that just put my heart back together and made sure it would never fall apart again. We won the sportsfest challenge – which showed that our house had really done very well in participation, and it wasn’t just the runners who were trying hard for Richardson. This leadership experience, while daunting at times, was extremely rewarding and really unlike any other. It taught me to fight hard for what I loved and taught me to appreciate those fighting alongside me.

I hope I have covered everything by now – God, house, dance – I think that’s pretty much it HAHA and I’m not gonna proof read everything again so I hope I didn’t ramble too much up there.

Time for photos!! I limited myself to around 20 photos of memories and people that mean a lot to me, but that’s only because I’m watching my wordpress post storage haha otherwise I would easily have posted over 100 photos!

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When we filmed our Raffles song video for an inter-house game and came in second! Very fond memories of this ❤

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113/213 class party!

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2nd dramafest but the one I remember most! Such talented seniors and dedicated crew – if only they had the creative props and sets awards last year hmpf.

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Banner painting will always be one of my favourite Rg activities!

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Nincompoops annual secret santa exchange! My secret santa even has a facebook account that gets passed down each year to my new secret santa – how cool is that.

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YFC! Met so many hardworking souls through YFC and I’m very very proud of how far we came and how much we raised for SCS! This was one of the bumpier journeys I guess but also one of the most meaningful!

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March house camp on my birthday! My lovely EXCO ❤ ❤ no words.

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Comettos (missing Jing!!) I love it when I see yall around school hahaha except KE because I only need to turn around to see your face.

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Don’t remember when this was… but nice HAHA we should do this again batchies!

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My best prac countdown buddy! And science lab buddy! Thank you soph for always telling me about your life, I really do enjoy all our conversations ❤

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Shu the most loving and lovable person around, a true blessing to all!

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Tree dance dancers for dance concert! Seniors I used to fear in Y1 but who came back to choreograph a dance for us ❤

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The time we were “rushing back” from RI after taking a pit stop for snacks, and then being so afraid of getting scolded but our fellow Y4s that we banned everyone from answering their phones HAHAHHAHA sorry batchmates.

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Whenever we take photos we take this exact same mirror selfie.

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Going to support the cheerleaders at their night pracs! Cheerleaders are legit so amazing they work so hard for their houses and dance so well I think every one of them deserves an award.

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Painting our sportsfest banner at Yizhen’s house where Xiang painted the wall…. and we had some of the best shanghainese food around, and understood where Yizhen got all her funny genes from!

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Cozifam – the wildest most dedicated people around,

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Shakespeare in the park with the RALit class that is too smart for me!!!

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407 is constantly feasting… our class either smells like KFC, pizza, or both. (in this picture it was mcdonalds hotcakes though hahaha)

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Finally wore a yakata to school! J and I embracing the only Jap bits of us here.

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RACH!! Doesn’t matter how rarely or often I see her because this friendship is one to keep for a long long time and I’m so grateful for her ❤

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Lastly – possibly my favourite photo of the last four years hahahaha some of my favourite people and the emblem of all their hard work!

As a p6 5 years ago, I screenshotted the acceptance email to RG, posted in on my insta and said “BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!” and I guess that set the stage for the most remarkable journey thus far 🙂 I still don’t see myself as sixteen and any bit mature; I feel I am still very much ignorant and needy haha. But for the chance to study in RG, meet all these great people and be blessed with all the opportunities the school has cast our way, I am so thankful! Ending in the classic RG way,

Filiae Melioris Aevi

Omnom October :O

The past two weeks have been bittersweet in a very confusing way. Graduation draws ever closer but I still don’t feel that sentimental yet. It just feels like everything is slowing down, and the lack of things I need/want to do makes me feel lethargic. I’ve been going out very frequently with my friends (money fly away really I need to quit spending so much on food) and those days were genuinely happy days because every friend is so different and spending time with them one on one makes me feel very blessed to have them in my life. But then there are other moments where I am uncomfortable with the fact that I am settling into this new normal without my grandma. When I go running at the stadium all I picture is her walking along the track, or doing her morning exercise with the other aunties there. I think about which aunties were her friends. I see a grandma walking down the RIPAC steps; I see a grandpa bringing his grandkids home on the MRT and I just think and think and overthink. Life is pretty different because we don’t have to constantly rush home and we don’t have to consider where/what we can eat, and this different normal makes me want to reject it and crawl back to the yes, maybe more difficult, but the normal which contained my grandma. Didn’t mean for this to be so whiny but I’ve been thinking about it a lot and couldn’t find anyone to burden with my thoughts so here they shall go.

On to happier things! I’ve been stuffing myself way too much lately sigh @FAM !!! Really doesn’t help that I haven’t danced in half a year lol feeling hella blobby but also I love food too much to stop myself from eating sweet things all day every day.

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One day Yq said she wanted to make ice cream cookie sandwiches … so we tried and got these diabetic dino oreo ice cream cookies

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Mentaiko ramen with Shu!

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Coffee options was such a good decision because 1. the teacher is so chill 2. we get to go cafe hopping 3. we learnt how to do latte art!!

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Cafe hopping

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A babyccino is just milk; don’t be fooled like I was.

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$2+ apple pie that looked more like a char siew pie? But tasted pretty legit!

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Bibimbap with KE!! Quite disappointed that we didn’t manage to eat at Joo Bar but ah wells saved a little bit of money and also got FAM heels with her!

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Matcha ice cream ❤

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Joe and Dough before water biking with Rach!

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This was so much fun!! Can’t wait to go again 😀

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And we finally went to eat our pokebowls after talking about them half a year ago.

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On Jap study leave day, J and I made sushi burgers and watched some Taiwanese and Korean dramas. Obviously trying very hard not to fail but I don’t think we will la hahahaha.

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I cooked myself lunch! And poached an egg too! 😀

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Kumoya with J to celebrate end of Jap!

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Far East Plaza has some really good food – I wish I had more time in RG to eat here. Then again, because I have been having so many free slots I have also been spending way too much money… November onwards shall be the time of saving.

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Strictly pancakes with Nic!! Haven’t been here in a while but the pancakes are still as fluffy as ever 🙂

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Wheat with Hazel after our *secret* seminar hahaha

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And finally Gym Gala!! Pretty friend J

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and pretty friend Wei ❤

Do you see what I mean by eating too much … omg legit can’t wait for internship to start so I stop. eating. like. a. pig!!! I’ve been watching the K2 and Doctors and it’s so weird that Doctors is inspiring me to study and become a doctor HAHAHA maybe I can mention that in my interviews? Some creative ways of learning about the profession lmao. Gonna try to find a balance between studying and playing, before JC hits and I go crazy again 🙂

Also feel a little inclined to get back into my YouTube channel because wtheck I have 600+ subscribers when I don’t even post anything nowadays. Plus I really enjoy editing videos, it’s just the filming that’s kinda troublesome. I think I will give up (since I haven’t been posting anyway) on my baking account … Idk it’s kind of stressful to have to keep baking and taking nice photos just to get more followers and likes, and I don’t want to post something if it doesn’t actually taste that great because then I just feel extremely fake. I feel as though I try to maintain all these channels to categorise different parts of my life, but then they just become overly public personas and become more of a burden than something for myself to enjoy. Also it’s not cool to just try very hard and be just average!! It feels like everyone around me has something that they are VVVV good at while I’m just trying to do so many things and not really being outstanding in anything at all.

At the same time I’m glad I now have a stronger relationship with God through my quiet time and altar calls etc. I think I am starting to understand his messages to me, and that is so exciting!!

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Aren’t Psalmists the best writers ever?