Holding On Tight

Happy hump day to myself! It’s already week nine (okay we cheated a little since our full timetable only started last week but whatever) and I’m 100% ready for the March (not)holidays to start asap! I feel as though school sucks so much out of me because I go home every night tired and unable to keep my eyes open regardless of whether I’ve just had coffee. I can’t pinpoint what it is exactly: the social interaction, the work, volleyball or ??? I’m watching all my friends drag themselves through this cycle of: 1. I don’t want to do this, but 2. Everyone else is doing it, so 3. I will make myself do it. I’ve honestly not seen so many people work so hard and publicly for that matter hahaha I’m more used to being intimidated by closet muggers/people who post their mugging pictures on their Snapchat/Insta stories for the rest of the world to see and feel ashamed of themselves.

Of course it really isn’t all dreary! I won’t deny that now is a really tough time because Dramafeste is really a horrible experience because all our sets are falling apart and the whole production just isn’t as concerted (compared to RGDF at least). But working on Dramafeste has given me time to get together with my House friends again.Though it is really beyond exasperating, I’m really glad I’m doing it with them. I find so so much solace in getting together with my friends from RG. Having left RG, I really miss it incredibly much </3 I miss being able to speak my mind or not speak at all, depending on whether I feel like it, because right now I feel obliged to interact and get to know new friends haha. I miss the teachers! Whether they were not so nice or really friendly, I still miss them all. I miss being able to walk around school and see familiar smiley faces because here it’s so awkward to see a once familiar face that now doesn’t smile back. Primary school boys are really such bad memories no joke.

Though I am most times mentally tired, and sometimes physically tired, I think God has been working more than ever in me. Even though I have to skip my Miracle Mornings when I sleep late and miss my 18983248 alarms in the morning, God still meets me after that and amazes me in the most unexpected ways. I’ve been walking to the MRT for the past few days, and the sky is always a different ombre in the morning. It’s a seamless and most gentle ombre, each hue of blue washed over the previous layer in a delicate and honestly perfect stroke. God paints the pitch black nights into glorious days, reminding us how His mercies are new every morning. Listening to worship songs on the way to school also wakes me up and reminds me of His presence, and how He will continually replenish my energy and give me strength to walk through the entire day.

The past week, God spoke to me about finding rest in Him. Though I’m only halfway through this week, I sense He is telling me about love and strength. I’ve always interpreted 1 Corinthians 13 as instructions on how to love people, but yesterday I realised that all love comes from God. Before we can love others in the way God instructed us to, He first loved us in the same way. So if our love to others is supposed to always hope, always protect, always trust, and always persevere, we can be certain that God loves us the same way. Even when we feel like giving up, God covers us with His love. He not only protects us but places His hope in us and trusts us. He perseveres in His love towards us even if we stumble. ❤ As I overheard another prayer group sing this morning, “You’re a good, good father.”

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