Not very sure why I’m writing this but I needed to put my thoughts somewhere and I felt Instagram was too public a platform to do it. Sigh a lot has been going on lately with everything in school (dance, house, acads) and at home and I’m trying to juggle it all but it’s so hard when I get home and I’m too tired to even force myself to stay awake 😦 Not the best idea to go to sleep without getting much work done when I have exams next week!!! And another Lit project to do at the same time 😦 Really really dk how to function properly but trying my best to hold myself together and do what I can without compromising too much on my sleep and wellbeing overall. And lol I feel when I am most stressed I somehow feel more inclined to do things for other people. E.g. this week after house prac I baked muffins (lol life choices) at night for my house prac organising team (OT) because they had such a tough time organising this house prac and it didn’t go all that well. But I felt a strong need to do it because I didn’t want their journey in house or leadership journey in general to be hampered by a rough start? And it’s so important to keep these passionate and hardworking juniors in house to keep it running next year and the following year. Yep so I made them muffins to cheer them up and show that I acknowledge their efforts and am very thankful that they are doing stuff for house in the first place! And then yesterday after I got home real late I chose to write a letter to my angel lol. Honestly Idk what is going on because I could have slept a teensy bit earlier but my mind/heart told me I should. I guess I miss coming to school and seeing a letter on my table from my angel because it just a little surprise that makes my day. I kind of ranted/whined a lot in the letter about how Year 4 is absolute horror and asked about JC life (hoping it would be better). Passed it to Julia today in church for her to pass to my angel! Anyway yeah it’s me being desperate to take a break from work and do less stressful things like bake/write a letter and also me somehow knowing how to care for other people better than I know how to care for myself. It’s so hard to take a break and bake or paint or watch a movie when I know people are either mugging 24/7 or doing better in school without having to try thaaat hard. SIGH. But I learnt this in one of the services last year: give freely to others what you lack the most. And I guess I’m applying it here so yay praise the Lord, and there’s no harm in trying to make someone else’s day better even if yours was kinda rotten!
Yeah but at least service today was really impactful! The praise and worship at the start was so powerful I think everyone really felt God’s presence and remembered again how he gave everything for this sin-filled world because he loves us so much more than we can ever imagine. Sometimes I go to church and the songs don’t touch me/I feel just disconnected and the lyrics don’t reflect what I feel but today it was so different. Like every song whether English or Chinese was just reflective of whatever praise I had and thanks I had to give to the Lord, just way more eloquently than my jumbled up brain could ever have conveyed it. And the sermon today was filled with stories on other people’s encounters with God and I love that they were so real and life-changing! Very excited for Easter Sunday’s service because then people will be coming up to share their testimonies as well 🙂 I think I love testimonies especially much because they are living, real people and real stories and they remind us how very much real and alive our God is! Also very thankful to Julia and the rest of the RJ seniors in church for taking time out after service to pray for the Y4s individually. I’m really grateful to have someone who has gone through all the struggles of Y4s and can truly empathise to pray over us and tell us that everything will be alright in the end, no matter how dismal things may seem now.
I guess this has helped me organise my thoughts a bit! Feeling slightly more cheery now 🙂 I still have lots to do like study for EVERYTHING and do my homework and Lit project and house stuff and omg my cca shirt design lmao what is life and what is school. Would very much like to quit school right now but today I learnt that JC is worse and so I guess I am gonna try!!! and cherish the friendships and sunshine-y parts of school and ignore the sadder parts.
Lastly, ending with my favourite song lyrics from today:
Thank you for the cross, Lord
And thank you for the price You paid
Bearing all my sin and shame, in love You came
And gave amazing grace
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say it is well with my soul.
There’s always going to be someone who has it worse than you, so just be thankful for what you have and stop taking things for granted. Recently I’ve been very thankful for friendships and a strong family and the freedom to go to church. And trials and tribulations only make you stronger, and make me turn to prayer more often and learn to surrender it all.
Now I’m trying my best to surround myself with positivity (i.e. changing my wallpapers hAHA)
It is truly well with my soul, thank you Lord for everything! 🙂